11:45pm, M crawls into bed. I wake up. We start talking about his night with one of his guy friends.
M: "Yeah, I hope you don't mind, but we used your bathroom so that we wouldn't wake you up."
I live across the hall from M. He can literally touch both of our doors at the same time by stretching out his arms. It's dumb and a waste of my $375 per month and he actually moved in AFTER we started dating, even though it was in the works BEFORE we started dating. Weird, yes. Moving on.
me: "Oh, okay, that's fine, whatever..."
me: "Was my bathroom even clean? Was the toilet flushed?"
M: "Uh yeah. It was fine. Don't worry about it."
.... 10 minutes later .....
me: (jumping up startled) "Is my toilet running?"
My toilet chain is perpetually broken, no matter how many times I reattach it. I live in an old building where nothing ever gets fully fixed. So sometimes I worry that it will run all night long, wasting tons of water and destroying the earth. That's not to say I'm actually one of those people who recycles, or someone who would turn my nose up at aerosol hairspray. But water, that gets me.
M: "Really? Do you want me to go check? Okay, okay, I'm getting up. I'll go check."
me: (sheepishly) "Thank you!"
M gets up, goes across the hall in his boxers and then walks back to his apartment. As he enters the bedroom I yell:
"IS MY OVEN ON??"
M: (sigh) "I don't know! Okay, let me check."
M goes back over to my apartment to see that yes, my oven is in fact off. Which is rational seeing as I haven't used it since June. As in, before it got too hot to turn it on in my air conditioning-less apartment. But it's not like anyone can accuse me of being overly rational.
M: "It's off. And your straightener is put away. And everything is fine."
me: "Oh gosh, thank you so much! You know how crazy I am about these things."
I know he gets it because he has his own little quirks, like touching his car door handle to see if it's REALLY locked, even though he's just pressed the locked button and heard it beep.
M comes back to bed and starts nuggsing me.
M: "You know why I love being with you? I know that I'll never die of a fire from a stove left on or drown in my apartment because the toilet's been running all night."
.... 10 minutes go by ....
me: "Oh my gosh, can you really die from a toilet running all night???" (cue internal freak out)
M: "No Laura...this second story apartment is hardly the Titanic."
me: "Oh. Okay, right."
M: "Goodnight Laura"