quilts and home.

I stumbled upon these quilts through the blog Make It Do, a collection of craft ideas, easy home fixes and of course, quilting ideas. On Monday I interviewed for a position I really wanted. Monday night I went to happy hour with m, his brother and his friend and then cooked them dinner at home (taco pizza on pitas, easy peasy). Even though they'd all reassured me about my interview and told me I'd be great for the job, what made me most happy was to hear the guys compliment me on dinner and thank me for my hospitality. These quilts remind me of the delicate art of homemaking. I grew up in a home where convenience foods were the norm and my mom worked just as much if not more than my dad. I used to dream of a wearing fancy suits to a high powered job . . . but lately I've been dreaming of taking my kids on summery walks at dusk, cooking for twenty at weekend dinner parties and maintaining a home that is welcoming to all. It doesn't mean that I can't have both, the job and the homemaker lifestyle. . . it just means that I'm starting to understand the meaning of home and wanting to give that warmth to others. xo.

BHLDN gowns.

I'm more of a short wedding dress kind of girl but these gowns from BHLDN are gorgeous. Perfect for both a country church wedding or city loft gathering. xo.


an unbearable lightness.

I recently read Unbearable Lightness by Portia De Rossi, about her struggle with an eating disorder. Having recovered from an eating disorder myself I found this book especially touching. Here are some quotes that I loved:

“Gaining weight is a critical time. ..Being sick allows you to check out of life. Getting well again means you have to check back in. It is absolutely crucial that you are ready to check back into life because you feel as though something has changed from the time before you were sick. Whatever it was that made you feel insecure, less than, or pressured to live in a way that was uncomfortable to you has to change before you want to go back there and start life over. And with all the time it takes to have an eating disorder –literally the day is consumed by it, both mentally and physically—it’s important to find something other than your body image to be passionate about. You have to create a whole new life to check into, and the life I knew was waiting for me was a future relationship and the acceptance of it from my family. I had the key ingredient to want to check back in: I had hope.” (279-280)

“I hate the word exercise. I am allergic to gyms. But I don’t think that ‘formal’ exercise in a gym is the only way to achieve a healthy, toned body. I have discovered that enjoyable daily activities that are easy, like walking, can be equally beneficial. I have noticed on my daily walk with my dogs that I rarely see an overweight person walking a dog, whereas I see many overweight people walking on treadmills in a gym.” (301)

“Recovery feels like shit. It didn’t feel like I was doing something good; it felt like giving up. It feels like having to learn how to walk all over again.” (280).

“I didn’t decide to become anorexic. It snuck up on me disguised as a healthy diet, a professional attitude. Being as thin as possible was a way to make the job of being an actress easier by fitting into a sample size dress, by never worrying that I couldn’t zip up my wardrobe from episode to episode, day after day. Just as I didn’t decide to become anorexic, I didn’t decide to not be anorexic. I didn’t decide to become healthy. I decided not to die.” (277).

“I’m sick. I’ve successfully lowered the bar. I don’t have to be a straight-A student or be a movie star to be proud of myself. I just have to live. I accept myself just as I am. I accept myself. The voice stops. Apart from laughter coming from the hallway I can’t hear anything. It is deathly quiet in my head. And then I said something to the voice I have always wanted to say: ‘Go to hell.’” (272).

“I realized that I was a misfit in the gay world as I was in society at large. I was half butch, half femme, neither here nor there. At that point in my life, I didn’t understand that playing roles in any relationship is false and will inevitably lead to the relationship’s collapse. No one can be any one thing all the time. There is a great deal of lying done while a role is being played in any relationship, homosexual or heterosexual. As I had tried to fit into the sample size clothing, I also tried to fit into a preconceived idea of what it meant to be gay. And any time I try to fit into a mold made by someone else, whether that means sample size clothing or a strict label of ‘butch’ or ‘femme,’ I lose myself.” (291).

“I highly recommend inviting the worse-case scenario into your life. I met Ellen when I was 168 pounds and she loved me. She didn’t see that I was heavy; she only saw the person inside. My two greatest fears, being fat and being gay, when realized, led to my greatest joy. It’s ironic, really, when all I’ve ever wanted is to be loved for my true self, and yet I tried so hard to present myself as anything other than who I am. And I didn’t just one day wake up and be true to myself. Ellen saw a glimpse of my inner being from underneath the flesh and bone, reached in, and pulled me out.” (305).


ikea dream room.

My internet was down today, so M and I went to his brother's house so that I could get my fix. While the boys watched trashy t.v. (I'm pretty sure that "tosh.0" is the male equivalent of my secret Grey's Anatomy obsession...) I put together this "room" of Ikea goods. xo.


hair and life.

w5-1.jpg picture by stylebook18

On Sunday during church I decided that the solution to all of my problems (aka, lack of sleep, PMS & an intense diet coke and donut craving), would be to get this haircut, à la Karla of Karla's Closet. I've had this haircut many times over the last 8 years, since I took the first fateful chop at my then waist length hair . . . and for some reason yesterday seemed like the perfect day to take my shoulder length hair up a few inches. And now I'm filled with a little bit of haircut regret. It's a beautiful haircut and looks just swell, but it's no longer me. The last time I had this haircut I was in a bad relationship . . . and like items of clothing or the patronage of certain weekend hot spots, some things shouldn't survive past the relationship. Looking at myself in the mirror today I felt like I did when I was with my ex. My hair, perfectly straightened and hair-sprayed, looking much like it would were I a 40-year-old Realtor, suddenly felt like I used to: restricted. Being with my current boyfriend, M, is like stepping out of the shower and letting my naturally curly hair dry however it feels like drying. I'm free to be the real me, no questions asked. I don't want a daily reminded of my old ways and old relationships . . . but unfortunately hair isn't a t-shirt to change or a cafe to stop frequenting. Until it grows out I'll see it as a reminder of how far I've come. I'll know that from here on out I'm able to be whomever I want to be and that I have a boyfriend who is just as excited as I am to see who I become.


gray and green.

lately i've been completely obsessed with gray and green. normally i gravitate towards warmer tones for weddings, but there's something about this combination that i find so totally soothing and comforting. it doesn't hurt that they're m's favorite colors too. xoxo.


bold options.

This gorgeous office wall is actually an easy DIY fix. The home owners simply created a grid pattern with cheap hardware store wood and finished it off with bright white molding. Inexpensive yet chic.

I would absolutely love to get my hands on a canvas this size. There's currently one on sale for $60 (down from $100) at Michael's but for some reason I'm always too intimidated to put down the cash. I think that when I move to a bigger apartment the scale of a canvas like this one won't be so overwhelming. xo.


el amor de mi vida

m & i at a bonfire with friends. we made s'mores and talked about our summer plans. it felt like one of those endless nights. xoxo.


dresser --> island

i love this dresser to island makeover by Jenny of Little Green Notebook. i don't have space in my kitchen for an island (because let's face it, i barely have a kitchen in my studio apartment) but i wouldn't mind doing this treatment to my now all black trunk/coffee table. i love the way that a fresh coat of paint can harmonize previously mix matched pieces. this week my bf asked me to move in with him, and while i don't feel any rush i'm already working out how to combine our garage sale/rescued from the trash/IKEA pieces. . . xo